Ammunition to avoid

I've been reading some old Internet debates on what kind of ammunition to use for self defense. In every one I've read someone brings up the argument that certain kinds of ammunition will look bad in court if you are actually required to shoot some thug. From this extensive research on the Internet (where everything is true) I have compiled the following advice.

First, do not use ammunition you loaded yourself.

If you pop a cap into some drooling goblin at 5:30 in the morning you don't want more problems in your life. A .357 Federal Hydrashok is going to splatter the bad guy's lung and heart tissue all over the far wall. It is very possible some snot nose DA or pissant Ninjacop may decide that you went a little too far in ventilating the prick. I mean he's not really responsible for being a dirtbag. Maybe his mommy didn't toilet train him right. Maybe his daddy called him names when he was a boy. You don't want to have to explain to a jury how you sit in your garage and load ammo that will splatter a bad guy's lung and heart tissue all over the far wall.

In the inevitable civil case remember that the dead goblin's mommy will be sobbing in the front row and his daddy -- if he can be found -- will testify as to how Drooler was an unfortunate victim of society and was turning his life around.

Next, avoid any ammunition with one or more of the following features:

• Hollow point (Dum dums, Cop killers)
• Soft point (Expanding, Armor Piercing)
• Wadcutter (Flesh Crushing)
• Round nose (Bone Breakers)
• Spitzer tip (Big Game Hunting Ammo)
• Lead bullets (Kills Condor Chicks)
• Any metal other than lead (Armor Piercing, Cop Killers)

Finally, avoid any ammunition that has any of the following words in the name or description:

• Black
• Dark
• Bore
• Talon
• Claw
• Buzzsaw
• Doom
• Buffalo
• NyClad
• Moly-coated
• Teflon
• Pre-Fragmented
• Sintered
• Winchester
• Federal
• RCBD
• Remington
• ACP
• NATO
• Rimmed
• Rimless

Now you can keep the lawyers happy for a while.