Monday, August 31, 2009

When is Enough, Enough?

Once upon a time I might have agreed that putting nutritional information on vending machines is a good idea. However, seeing how the nanny fascists abuse every power they can get I have to agree with this:
It’s enough to make me want to have a dinner that consists only of a steak the size of an actual Holstein and two beers so dark and rich they form their own food group. Then, a dessert with more calories than the average NFL lineman eats for breakfast. I’ll give my meal plenty of time to settle because I’ll be smoking the fattest cigar I can find — one that required the efforts of an entire Dominican village to make. Then, I want to hop into a 1966 Ford Mustang Shelby GT 500, crank up Van Halen’s version of “You Really Got Me”, drive 100 miles an hour until I get to the nearest left-wing, totalitarian bastard of a Congressman and slow down just long enough for him to figure out that I’m flipping him the bird.
More at Keep Your Hands off my Vending Machines, You Damned Dirty Bureaucrats!

Reminds me of Edgar Friendly (Dennis Leary) in the classic* movie Demolition Man
You see, according to Cocteau's plan I'm the enemy, 'cause I like to think; I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech and freedom of choice. I'm the kind of guy likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder - "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecued ribs with the side order of gravy fries?" I WANT high cholesterol. I wanna eat bacon and butter and BUCKETS of cheese, okay? I want to smoke a Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section. I want to run through the streets naked with green Jell-o all over my body reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly might feel the need to, okay, pal? I've SEEN the future. Do you know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, singing "I'm an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
*well it should be

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