Monday, February 21, 2011

Anonymous versus Westboro Baptists

Yesterday there was a minor buzz that a "hacktivist" group calling itself "Anonymous" was threatening to attack the Westboro Baptist Church.
We, the collective super-consciousness known as ANONYMOUS - the Voice of Free Speech & the Advocate of the People - have long heard you issue your venomous statements of hatred, and we have witnessed your flagrant and absurd displays of inimitable bigotry and intolerant fanaticism. We have always regarded you and your ilk as an assembly of graceless sociopaths and maniacal chauvinists & religious zealots, however benign, who act out for the sake of attention & in the name of religion.

Being such aggressive proponents for the Freedom of Speech & Freedom of Information as we are, we have hitherto allowed you to continue preaching your benighted gospel of hatred and your theatrical exhibitions of, not only your fascist views, but your utter lack of Christ-like attributes. You have condemned the men and women who serve, fight, and perish in the armed forces of your nation; you have prayed for and celebrated the deaths of young children, who are without fault; you have stood outside the United States National Holocaust Museum, condemning the men, women, and children who, despite their innocence, were annihilated by a tyrannical embodiment of fascism and unsubstantiated repugnance. Rather than allowing the deceased some degree of peace and respect, you instead choose to torment, harass, and assault those who grieve.

Your demonstrations and your unrelenting cascade of disparaging slurs, unfounded judgments, and prejudicial innuendos, which apparently apply to every individual numbered amongst the race of Man - except for yourselves - has frequently crossed the line which separates Freedom of Speech from deliberately utilizing the same tactics and methods of intimidation and mental & emotional abuse that have been previously exploited and employed by tyrants and dictators, fascists and terrorist organizations throughout history.

ANONYMOUS cannot abide this behavior any longer. The time for us to be idle spectators in your inhumane treatment of fellow Man has reached its apex, and we shall now be moved to action. Thus, we give you a warning: Cease & desist your protest campaign in the year 2011, return to your homes in Kansas, & close your public Web sites. Should you ignore this warning, you will meet with the vicious retaliatory arm of ANONYMOUS: We will target your public Websites, and the propaganda & detestable doctrine that you promote will be eradicated; the damage incurred will be irreversible, and neither your institution nor your congregation will ever be able to fully recover. It is in your best interest to comply now, while the option to do so is still being offered, because we will not relent until you cease the conduction & promotion of all your bigoted operations & doctrines. The warning has been given. What happens from here shall be determined by you.
The alleged challenge did not make too much sense to me. Firstly, announcing an intent to DDOS a website it not too bright. That only gives the government time to set up sniffers and begin tracking down the attackers. Whatever I may think of Anonymous they are not, on the evidence, that stupid.

Secondly, the insults are pedestrian. No belittling of Phelps as a technological ignoramus. No implying he is a closeted homosexual. It was just too pompous to be credible.

Thirdly was the absence of grammatical and spelling irregularities peculiar to hacker culture.

I could go on but you get the idea by now or you don't.

Turns out it was probably a hoax. A press release on denies the charge and implies that Phelps was behind the whole thing.
Dear Phred Phelps and WBC Phriends,

So we've been hearing a lot about some letter that we supposedly sent you this morning. Problem is, we're a bit groggy and don't remember sending it. Our best guess is that you heard about us on that newfangled TV of yours and thought we might be some good money for your little church.

You thought you could play with Anonymous. You observed our rising notoriety and thought you would exploit our paradigm for your own gain. And then, you thought you could lure some idiots into a honeypot for more IPs to sue.

This is not so foreign to us; as you may have heard, we trade in Lulz. You just do not have enough to offer right now.

While Anonymous thanks you for your interest, and would certainly like to take a break and have some
fun with you guys, we have more pressing matters to deal with at the moment. But, we will keep this application on file, and will certainly contact you if any openings become available in future.

Next time, don't call us. We'll call you.

Additionally, as your "Press Release" failed to understand: When Anonymous says we support free speech, we mean it. We count Beatrice Hall among our Anonymous forebears: "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."

Do some among our number hate you and your cynical exploitation of your human rights for monetary gain? Of course. But the MoralFags are also the first to admit that they are, in fact, your rights to exploit.

In closing, let us assure you: We are not BAWWWING sissies, nor are we afraid of your false god; we're just really busy. Stay tuned, and we'll come back to play another day. We promise.

To the Media: Just because it was posted on AnonNews doesn't mean every single Anon is in agreement, in fact in this case it doesn't even mean a single Anon is in agreement. Next time, if you could give us a few minutes to put all our paperwork in order, we'll be sure to let you know what we're up to. (LOL)

To Anonymous: It's a trap. They've got their ports wide open to harvest IPs to sue. Don't DDoS, and boycott Operation Westboro. If you really want to continue messing with them, just send them a few male prostitutes and faxes of goatse. Nothing more.

(Note: This letter was written by more than 20 Anons, at the same time, and none of them were inbred
family members. Unlike that other, shitty "Press Release".)

We are Anonymous.
We are legion.
We do not forgive.
We do not forget.
Expect us.
Baptists are not always my favorite people and the Westboro subspecies can be particularly obnoxious, However, I firmly believe the best antidote to bad speech is better speech. Attacking Phelp's website may be an ego boost but he'll just spring back or some other self righteous prick will take his place. Discredit his ideas and he becomes an impotent voice. Phelp's is nothing. Ideas are everything.

If humankind, collectively, cannot appreciate the value of Reason and the Enlightement values then human intelligence will join the Saurians in the trashcan of Evolutionary history. Naturally, I think that would be a great loss and I work to prevent it but, in the final analysis, anyone claiming that the Universe cares is deceiving himself. Homo Sapiens has the tools to acheive immortality and the stars but whether it fails or succeeds, Reality will still be there.

Curiously, the best known Westboro site -- God Hates Fags -- is very slow to load right now. I don't know if this is an attack or just a example of the Slashdot Effect.

1 comment:

  1. In general, I like hackers. I think they can be some of the best scumfucks-and very useful people to have in a dystopian sci fi setting like the one we are staring down the barrel of.

    In specific, fuck Fred Phelps. Fuck him right in his crazy word hole.


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